~ Lola
I must say that Mushroom's first post on the above was so very interesting, I had to create a new post for it to give my comments, rather than add a comment, lest it go unnoticed :)
When i read that newspaper article, i shoved it over to my other half with a 'you see? you see?" look on my face....He read it for awhile, and then casually put it aside with a "ya, ya, ya" look on his face!
Well, I feel that it IS true, that as pampered Singaporean ladies, there are many things we 'secretly' expect our other half to do...and they do get secretlly graded in our hearts and minds to see if they 'pass' or not.....especially so during the wooing and courting months.
To each of us ladies, we have established different levels of expectations over the years, through experience, and through what our friends share with us. But most importantly I feel that these gentlemanly actions should only be done IF the guy is truly willing to do it for the gal...and not because it's expected of him.
My other half does not like to carry my handbag (other than for reasons which are acceptable), and neither do I like him to...So, if i were to EXPECT it of him, he would not do it because he is not comfortable being seen holding it :) ...I'm fine with that reason...
Another example would be opening the car door. He did it for a few times early on in our courtship, but it didn't last for long..haha! He did say that he doesn't do it because it is not natural and, practically, it's faster for me to enter the car myself....!I personally do not see the REAL need or expect him to do this....so, i can live with it....
However, let's say, if one evening, I'm TIRED and do not have a car....and he suggests that because it's out of the way, he'd rather me just take a bus or cab home....then I CAN'T live with the reason because my expectation would be for him to show concern and care and send me home no matter how inconvenient!
While I'm not implying that all guys with cars should ALWAYS fetch the gal home....but in my opinion, ESPECIALLY while we are still being courted, the guy SHOULD offer to fetch us around if he has a car, no matter how inconvenient for him! UNLESS we say no need la......(oh no! i'm gonna get stoned!) haha! :)
So i guess there are certain gentlemanly things that we might expect from the guy, but ultimately he has to feel comfortable doing it and only do so for the RIGHT REASON - because he LOVES us and not because he feels that it is an expectation set by us.....If not, these actions will most likely NOT carry on through marriage.....