Monday, March 03, 2008

Women Women Women...Part II

~ Lola

I must say that Mushroom's first post on the above was so very interesting, I had to create a new post for it to give my comments, rather than add a comment, lest it go unnoticed :)

When i read that newspaper article, i shoved it over to my other half with a 'you see? you see?" look on my face....He read it for awhile, and then casually put it aside with a "ya, ya, ya" look on his face!

Well, I feel that it IS true, that as pampered Singaporean ladies, there are many things we 'secretly' expect our other half to do...and they do get secretlly graded in our hearts and minds to see if they 'pass' or not.....especially so during the wooing and courting months.

To each of us ladies, we have established different levels of expectations over the years, through experience, and through what our friends share with us. But most importantly I feel that these gentlemanly actions should only be done IF the guy is truly willing to do it for the gal...and not because it's expected of him.

My other half does not like to carry my handbag (other than for reasons which are acceptable), and neither do I like him to...So, if i were to EXPECT it of him, he would not do it because he is not comfortable being seen holding it :) ...I'm fine with that reason...

Another example would be opening the car door. He did it for a few times early on in our courtship, but it didn't last for long..haha! He did say that he doesn't do it because it is not natural and, practically, it's faster for me to enter the car myself....!I personally do not see the REAL need or expect him to do this....so, i can live with it....

However, let's say, if one evening, I'm TIRED and do not have a car....and he suggests that because it's out of the way, he'd rather me just take a bus or cab home....then I CAN'T live with the reason because my expectation would be for him to show concern and care and send me home no matter how inconvenient!

While I'm not implying that all guys with cars should ALWAYS fetch the gal home....but in my opinion, ESPECIALLY while we are still being courted, the guy SHOULD offer to fetch us around if he has a car, no matter how inconvenient for him! UNLESS we say no need la......(oh no! i'm gonna get stoned!) haha! :)

So i guess there are certain gentlemanly things that we might expect from the guy, but ultimately he has to feel comfortable doing it and only do so for the RIGHT REASON - because he LOVES us and not because he feels that it is an expectation set by us.....If not, these actions will most likely NOT carry on through marriage.....

Monday, February 25, 2008

Odd ball or not

To take responsibility for my previous entry "Women women women", I am Mushroom. This Odd ball entry is about a one liner casual comment from my very WISE colleague. I say she is very wise because colleagues have commented that when you know this lady, you will truly know what is inner beauty or that beauty radiates from within.

The topic was on strange habits of frens and this wise lady commented, "Aiya, when you dun think he or she is an oddball, he or she will never be an oddball."

This sentence left a powerful impression.

Women women women

I have decided to break the silence by writing in a post to entertain the faithful but equally silent blog checkers. Another reason would also be the fact that I am on medical leave as I was suffering from severe diarr (I can sense the toilet beckoning me again). That aside, can be a different post so I better don't derail from 'Women Women Women".

On Sunday or Saturday, the papers did a 2 page full article on the trend that the Singapore woman has transformed into a unified group of over demanding species of their counterparts e.g. partners, boyfrens, potential bfs, husbands, whatever you call them. The Singapore woman secretly or explicitly EXPECTS the partner to pay for their dates, send them home, initiates special occasions celebrations, dresses up for special occasions, some even carry their female bags. This jolts a powerful memory of Joseph's jovial casual comment (I dare write his name cos he doesnt visit our precious blog. A subtle suan has just floated across) : A good deal means he will fetch you everywhere.

Together with the article, I have withdrawn into a period of reflecting. This is not a time for confession so I shall not comment whether I am the typical Singapore Woman but an old time fren (male) once commented that I am the rare non typical Singapore woman. I did mildly suspect whether that was a hint that he was interested in me cos he once said he was looking for a non typical Singapore woman. (see I include juicy details for my readers) Then again, a male who might be interested in the independent cum sometimes fragile new age woman in me might just be the new age lazy breed.

Back to the article, I guess the article is screaming that while it is sweet to have a gentleman at your beck and call, lets not throw appreciation out of the window. When you expect this and that, when he really does it, very likely, you will tell yourself : "okie lah, pass" and this will show all over your face. Second, while the gentlemenly gestures can be tell tale signs of something deeper, obsession in it might over shadow the other important factors of perseverance, faithfulness, honesty etc etc.

Lastly, let me share with you some secrets. As some male frens from past confide in me their BGR problems, when they shower you with gifts, woo you with flowers, confess the skies, their hearts are still not very much with that gal. Although the gal thinks that he must be really liking her a lot, he is secretly entertaining the thought of when he should opt out and go for another target. Or throughout the relationship, he did not fall in love with her.

So how ladies? Actually I also am lost, so just follow your heart and don't think so much when he has stopped paying for your shopping or stopped offering to carry your bags... Maybe I am also slightly influenced by my two old time buddies and my wise buddy at work. They are the type of women who will answer you, "Let my husband sleep. He is very tired. I can easily take taxi home." "Let him enjoy his session with his buddies. I can drive myself home." whenever you ask them "Hey why he never send you back?" Ironically, they are the same women who tells you that they are falling more in love with their husbands after marriage. Double irony, they are also the same women whose husbands bought them burberrys and LVs abroad. :P

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

One of my more enjoyable years...

hi all!
This Lunar New Year was a good one for me ....not sure about you guys...but somehow I enjoyed myself a lot more this year....

Somehow i can't put a finger to a reason for it...Could be because this is the 2nd straight year my brother is back for CNY visitation with us...could be because it was a straight 4 -day break...could be because I had a chance to see almost all of my other half's extended family this year....could be because i had visitations almost everday for the 1st 4 days....could be just because everybody was in a happy mood ;) *shrug*

Anyway, after hearing that about 1.5M singaporeans travelled out of Singapore this year over the festive period, I was wondering to myself if i would ever want to travel out of town during CNY...i guess the years of tradition of visiting almost every single relative's home has passed down to my generation really effectively...so staying in Singapore during CNY is almost like an obvious thing to do...it's something I am realy thankful for....and something that I definitely want my next generation to experience.....

For those of you who might not have the same privilege, i'm sure it's never too late to start a tradition in our future families :)
~Roller

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Jay Jay Jay Yay

I guess I ran out of ideas at 1130pm of a less cheesy title. Jay chou is very talented and to indicate that I have not turned into a spirtitual "weong weong" (pastor dom's lingo) after 1 week of my 6 week tenet course (I dislike courses btw but I rather enjoy this one), I have decided to share with you Jay's new song called Rainbow. It is very nice with some tinge of saddness. I like Jay chou very much but I am not a crazy fan, just admired him from afar which means not spending money to buy albums but just enjoying his songs online or KTV or on the radio. I really think he is very talented although I am not very close to him to say whether or not he is a playboy etc ... I am just close enuff to say he is talented ...

Mushroom (nt trying to confuse you but the Mushrooms are back for CNY)

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Young, filled with dreams..yet...

Hi all!

I heard some very sad news this morning...news that brought tears to my eyes...

Some of you might remember, in Dec 2006, I went with Isaac and some of his church friends on a trip to Melahbou - Aceh. It was a humanitarian trip, where we spent about 4 full days with selected students from a school, and taught them English. We came up with the entire course on our own...and spent the 4 days interacting with these Indonesian girls and boys, aged between 12 to 18. It was an experience that I would never forget...an experience that brought my two feet down to planet Earth (not that it was very far above to start with ;)), as I saw the simple joys that these children still possessed, after many of them had lost family members to the tsunami that had hit 2 years back. They had survived the tsunami, and were full of zest in pursuing their ambitions.

Throughout the few days, we built bonds with these students...they shared their simple aspirations, eg. wanting to learn English well so that they could become a doctor and help sick people. some wanted to be a teacher to help students...yet another wanted to be a painter etc....
Towards the last day, we were giving away prizes for the different groups....these prizes that we brought, some were just simple erasers, pencils, some just small stuffed toys. I will never forget the joy I saw on these gals and boy's faces as they firmly held the presents. Things that Singaporean students would not even regard worthy of prizes were held in their hands with such gratefulness and appreciation. There were no fights, no complaints on whose prizes were nicer....just happy faces all across the room.

One of my students managed to email me just early this month. She mentioned that she had sad news to tell me, but would tell me only after i acknowledged the email. I replied, happy that my student had remembered me, and glad that I could be some kind of support for her....yet, somewhere inside me, I had a suspiscion about what the sad news was going to be....

This morning, she replied again.....she shared that she had not gotten accepted in a course to learn medicine and be a doctor. Instead she was now in Banda Aceh learning nursing....
then came the sad news.....one of the students in another group (under my other team mate), passed away last year due to cancer. Her operation in Sumatra was not successful, and she came back to Aceh, but died soon after.

Cut Yunidar was one of the 4 students who won the Most outstanding student during our 4-day course. She was good at her work and had great ambitions. Pretty, sweet and quiet, she was diligent.....

As i read the email, my heart sank and tears started to fill my eyes. I couldn't quite remember how she looked like..but after searching through the pictures and with the help of my other team mate, I remembered who she was. In the photo, she was all smiles, holding onto a small bear that she had won.....another picture was her holding onto the book which she won as an outstanding student.....

It's sad....thinking about it...that a young girl like Cut, survived the tsunami, had such great ambitions for her life ahead...but then, within just under a year after we were there, she lost her life to cancer.....
Would her life be saved if she had been in Singapore? I guess...but that is life, isn't it?

The fragility of life yet again displayed.....


Sad.........
~Lola

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Imagine Me Without You

~Roller




Hi guys! I believe we sang this in church recently just once...
it's a beautiful song, and i hope you guys are blessed by it....


IMAGINE ME WITHOUT YOU – JACI VELASQUEZ


Verse 1:
As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
'Til the end of time, forever
You're the only love I'll need
In my life, you're all that matters
In my eyes, the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

Chorus:
Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day
I'd be afraid without you there to see me through
Imagine me without you
Lord, you know it's just impossible
Because of you
It's all brand new
My life is now worth while
I can't imagine me without you

Verse 2:
When you caught me I was falling
Your love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard my calling
And you rushed to set me free
When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

Chorus

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

Chorus

I can't imagine me without you


Monday, January 21, 2008

What a fren we have!

Nice! May you be blessed to bless!

SuperG

Thursday, January 17, 2008

A thought-provoking incident....

~Roller (new nick for a new year :))

Hi guys..

Firstly, thanks SuperG for a Superpost! You have a gift of speaking in unique ways (hidden messages) and yet getting the message across so succinctly :) You should consider writing a book!

Anyway, my trip to China was made a little more significant because of a call i received just a few days into my trip...

I was walking along the streets in Zhu Hai, about to enter into a big shopping centre when my handphone rang and the name which appeared on my screen was a 'not-that-close' client whom I had not met for more than a year, and who was stationed overseas during this period. As she spoke, I felt that something wasn't quite right. Her boyfriend had been admitted into hospital for an operation and she had asked me to help check if he had another insurance with my company. I didn't know her boyfriend....i initially thought that it was a small operation (the 1, 2-day type of stay). As we spoke a little bit more, without me probing too much, I found out that he was in a critical stage of cancer, something that happened so suddenly. He wasn't able to walk or talk...and just 30 years of age.

As I heard her voice over the phone, it sounded as if she was fighting back tears...I didn't dare to ask too much more, and decided to just accede to her request and update her again.

I was left dumbfounded as i hung up the phone. I stopped in my steps for that split second, my mind flooded with thoughts of how anyone so young could have cancer. I was quiet, my mind far away for at least the next half an hour. I had never known she had a boyfriend...but I felt comforted that I could at least be of some help to her. I dropped her an sms to tell her that I would be praying for him and the family. She smsed back with deep appreciation.

I gave her a call this afternoon to check out how her boyfriend was. Her answer was quick and exact: "Not good"...Again, i was lost for words, unsure of how best to show concern. I asked what cancer it was..she paused a bit, and then said briefly 'Brain cancer'. I didn't know how to reply...and in my heart was wondering if i should have even asked her that in the first place. Did I sound like a kpo? Did i make it more painful for her by asking that? I asked which hospital, but it didn't sound like she was too excited to tell me, let alone visit. I'm still wondering if I should pay him a visit, because my gut feel over the phone was that she wasn't too comfortable with me asking too many questions.

I hung up, once again, my mind filled with thoughts....cancer...brain cancer...30 yrs old. My first concern as an adviser was if he had insurance...so that at least financially the family could tide through this period without even greater worries than they already had. My next concern was if he knew where he was heading if things turn for the worst....

more thoughts started to flood my mind...the fragility of life once again struck me....
We never know what can happen to us....or to our loved ones....what if this happened to me? Or to my loved ones?

I ask myself: why is it that we only think of these important things when such things happen? Do we take our loved ones, oikos for granted? Or do we truly treasure every moment with them and enough to share with them the Good News they might never otherwise get a chance to hear.....

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Bread and Word and The Little Things

Hi hi,

I was reading Matthew when Jesus said Man does not live on bread alone but also on the Word of God. When I went running, I reflected on this again.. Could it be taken literally? When you read the word of God, it brings joy and calmness so you will be less likely to suffer from mental stress or illness, or it will motivate you to undo some wrongs in your life and thus you will also suffer from less diseases. And also when you fast (no bread mah and also no nice yummy steak fresh prawns) and pray, you feel more alive ... Hmmm

I was very stressed yesterday because of little things. Little Things:
- A cat and a human gave my car a 30 cm deep scratch on the door.
- My new phone got ugly scratches on the screen and heats up within 5 min.
- My "boss" been acting cold. We used to be quite chummy. It is a he.
- I have a lot of unfinished planning but no time to complete due to long meetings.
- The Others shrunk my committee members.
- Unfulfiled promise of support by The Other.
- My miracle fren doesnt show signs of beliving in Christ.
- Severe lack of courage to share Christ with Miracle Fren and Wife.
- Severe lack of thickskiness to pester my family to go to church.
- Not able to meet up with SB due to clash in schedule.
- Change in pay structure leads to very high and precise expectations of performance to avoid conflict.

Then how? So I went to listen to Who am I? (not the jacky chan movie but the chirstian song) It is really true that I am only a flower that is quickly fading here today gone tomo. Not becaue of Who I am but because of Who you are. Suddenly, I realise that I have allowed Little Things to become a mountain and alevated my existence. But actually I am still safe under Him and that He is my master not the Little Things. Then I went to read the Bread verse. The lesson that I carried with me is Humility. Life is but a passing shadow (from Macbeth lor I think), make it meaningful and dun work for the Little Things . Let the Little Things work for you.



Acting Chim,
SuperG