~ Lola
I must say that Mushroom's first post on the above was so very interesting, I had to create a new post for it to give my comments, rather than add a comment, lest it go unnoticed :)
When i read that newspaper article, i shoved it over to my other half with a 'you see? you see?" look on my face....He read it for awhile, and then casually put it aside with a "ya, ya, ya" look on his face!
Well, I feel that it IS true, that as pampered Singaporean ladies, there are many things we 'secretly' expect our other half to do...and they do get secretlly graded in our hearts and minds to see if they 'pass' or not.....especially so during the wooing and courting months.
To each of us ladies, we have established different levels of expectations over the years, through experience, and through what our friends share with us. But most importantly I feel that these gentlemanly actions should only be done IF the guy is truly willing to do it for the gal...and not because it's expected of him.
My other half does not like to carry my handbag (other than for reasons which are acceptable), and neither do I like him to...So, if i were to EXPECT it of him, he would not do it because he is not comfortable being seen holding it :) ...I'm fine with that reason...
Another example would be opening the car door. He did it for a few times early on in our courtship, but it didn't last for long..haha! He did say that he doesn't do it because it is not natural and, practically, it's faster for me to enter the car myself....!I personally do not see the REAL need or expect him to do this....so, i can live with it....
However, let's say, if one evening, I'm TIRED and do not have a car....and he suggests that because it's out of the way, he'd rather me just take a bus or cab home....then I CAN'T live with the reason because my expectation would be for him to show concern and care and send me home no matter how inconvenient!
While I'm not implying that all guys with cars should ALWAYS fetch the gal home....but in my opinion, ESPECIALLY while we are still being courted, the guy SHOULD offer to fetch us around if he has a car, no matter how inconvenient for him! UNLESS we say no need la......(oh no! i'm gonna get stoned!) haha! :)
So i guess there are certain gentlemanly things that we might expect from the guy, but ultimately he has to feel comfortable doing it and only do so for the RIGHT REASON - because he LOVES us and not because he feels that it is an expectation set by us.....If not, these actions will most likely NOT carry on through marriage.....
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4 comments:
Mushroom:
I should be a writer right ... haha .. managed to spur an intellectual discussion.. aiya which gal dun like to be pampered? The brothers very quiet leh.. if only they write something .. keke
aiyoh, me responding at like 6am cos so stressed i cannot sleep....
anyway....i dun realli agree with lola leh...i think its realli difficult to expect a guy to do it out of LOVE during the courtship stage. Call me skeptical, cos who can talk about real love during courtship? during courtship stages, u kinda like the person and are onli getting to know them better ma...so if he does it i think it boils down to an inbred trait. That said, if he got away with never doing it while courting u then dun ever expect him to do so later la....i think we must add ah xue to the list, then mebbe the men will get into action and comment hor :)
Lola:
I think my definition of 'courting' might be a little different...
my definition of courting, is already quite attached..but not married yet..(ie, like me, like ah xue, like val)
i agree if it is still in the initial stage or wooing stage, alot of these things might just be because the guy wants to 'impress' or do what is expected.
But whether or not it continues would really, in my opinion, depend on whether he really cares for us and WANTS to do it.
guys what do u think?;)
Hi Sisters,
Hmm, I just logged in today and suddenly I find this place flooded with lots of GP essays and reflection journals. *Grins*
You know, what I believe is that when a guy dates a lady, it’s the heart that really matters. The manner in which a guy shows care and concern can be quite diverse, but the heart and the intentions should be real and believe me, time will tell. So whatever he does, it should be a reflection of his respect and love for his date or girlfriend so much so that he cherishes the moments they spend together. So as a guy, personally I would give my best shot to show my sincerity so my date and I would enjoy a good time together.
As for the expectations that have been discussed, personally I believe it varies from guy to guy. As Lola has mentioned, it’s a matter of perception - some guys are not used to it or are not comfortable with such things probably because of their different family backgrounds and upbringing - while some might feel it is too fake or just for show, etc. That is however not to say that the guy should just stick to what he is solely comfortable with because there will always be expectations and he should learn to adapt and give his best shot. However, if the differences are too great, then I guess the relationship most probably will not work out.
Whatever the case, if a guy wants to send his date home, he should not do it just because he wants to impress the lady. Rather it is because he wants to ensure she get back home safely and comfortably, capping off a wonderful evening spent. If his actions happen to fit into the societal norms, it should be more like a coincidence. Perhaps, some ladies may use that as a yardstick to gauge their dates because of certain standards that have been set by other guys with whom their ladies enjoyed their times with, but I think guys should just be natural and let their care and concern for their partners flow. I don’t think there are really any fixed formulas for a deep and personal relationship and the whole point is not to impress ladies, but to show them that you really cherish them. I guess if you really love someone, you will learn to overcome your own prejudices, appreciate their beautiful aspects and accept their flaws.
Finally, guys are still imperfect in their love and care, so as long as we try our best, I think that should count for something.
Well, that’s my view and hope the sisters here don’t suan (1) me too much :P
(456 words)
LY
P.S: Nooooo, don’t mark my GP essay. My grammar sucks…. :P
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